I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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