I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
