i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
