maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
