I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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