I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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