You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
