ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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