those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize