I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
