i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
