like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize