i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
