What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
