guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize