if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
