I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
