So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
