I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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