You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize