I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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