How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
