the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
