I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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