Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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