I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
