What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize