Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
