We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
