There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
