smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize