yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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