Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
