Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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