I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
