I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize