I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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