He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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