don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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