YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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