At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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