you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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