Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
