Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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