first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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