Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
