Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
