Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
