I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
