as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
