I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
