I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
