i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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