You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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