it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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