Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
These tits shall not be calmed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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