We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
