but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
