Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
