Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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