He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
that may or may not have been my penis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
