Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
And then he peed in my hair
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
