allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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