Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
