i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
