I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
