i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
