Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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