I will die if light touches me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
