I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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