My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
