I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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