Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
