I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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