mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
