It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize