At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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