i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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