Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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