I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
