i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
