hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize