i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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