My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
