At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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