Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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